Beyond 365

Day 8:

Today I am…  Taking stock.  What could have been, what could we have made of ourselves together, yes, I still think of so many scenarios, but what good is it, what good does it do for me, but make me miss that part of you and I so much more.  That part of you and I that made me smile, and laugh, those inside things only you and I knew.  I still shed tears of what might have been, but that does nothing but take away what new and amazing things that should be stretching me to grow to who I need and am supposed to be.  There are days these would have’s are far removed, and then there are those days like today that bring me to tears.  Yes, I feel stupid sometimes for these tears of what.  My heart still races when I think too hard on what could have been,  when I see your name, or when I think I have seen you in passing.  Oh how the mind likes to play such wicked games.

There are those parts of me that have not completely stopped struggling against what is, to let it all die and move forward, and until that happens, I will not be able to fully grow.  The hard part for me are the steps forward, but I do, I take one step in front of the other, the reality is I am going to have set backs, I know they are part of the process.  Just keep moving forward.  Learning the lessons needed to learn along the way.  Knowing that I have learned more than before, and more to come.  Everything happens for some kind of reason, people are sent into our lives for different purposes, I believe you were sent into mine to get me to step outside of my box, to move forward, I was sent into yours possibly for the same purpose.  Will we truly ever know, I don’t know.  Life like seasons change before your eyes, and what meant for a specific purpose is over, something new happens, change happens, life continues to go on.

I don’t know if this all makes sense or not, it is what is transpiring inside of me at this moment.  This time to move forward, to keep on moving forward, stumbling along the way to a better and more purposeful me.

Today I am…  Taking stock.

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