Beyond 365

Day 74:

Today I am…  Looking at myself.  And what I see is that I have come some ways, I am not where I should be, but I am not where I used to be.  Not even where I was 7 months ago.  My God!  7 months ago, that seems like an eternity ago.  I remember feeling so broken, unloved, thrown away, used.  I must have cried a million and one tear.  I was scared, and angry all rolled into one.  I was so numb.  6 months earlier Josh had broken up with me, cut me off like we had never even known one another.  Funny, to this day, I have not seen him.  You know how it is, when you try not to cry, because it is just so painful, physically, you get red-eyed, like the devil punched you in your eyes, they get puffy and swell up and the next day, well you have to explain.  Yeah, well I remember crying alone in my room at night, and trying to keep it together during the day while I was working.

I remember getting here and that first day being alone, heading out on the bus to go put in applications, it raining and how I left my umbrella on the bus, how it rained on me and how I cried, and cried, and cried some more about how it wasn’t suppose to be this way, but look at myself today, it is supposed to be exactly this way.  My life has been through all kinds of things, and looking back to now, it is exactly where it is supposed to be .  Sometimes in life, you don’t get the full picture right away, but bits and pieces start to form and then it becomes clear about certain things, and well then you see.  I am not completely 100 percent over Joshua, but I know that I am glad that we are not together anymore, I know I would have been miserable.  I also know that I am not completely ready for another relationship, but in time it will come.

Yes, life is pretty good for me.

Today I am…  Looking at myself.

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