Beyond 365

Day 84:

Today I am…  Angry!  I am angry at you, angry at me, just angry.  When I think back, it makes me angry.  I am angry at myself for still having my foot wedged in that door that should have been closed when everything went the way it did, but I wanted that pain, and I got it over and over, and over again, now I am just angry with myself.  Who am I fooling.  No one really, no one except myself thinking that some how, some thing might change.  Sure I know it can never go back the way it was.  Looking back, I would not want that, because it was a lie, it was miserable, there may have been some good times, intimate times, but really it wasn’t true times, because we had no clue.  I don’t want to be angry with you or with me, I want to have the peace that I need in my life.  I pray for forgiveness in all that has happened, I may never see or speak to you again, but pray that one day I will.  The truth is, I am glad that I have not seen you, because inside I am not ready to look you in the face,  just the mere thought of you racks me with anger and desire still, and until that is completely gone it is best we never see face to face.  This is the time, the time for me to work on me, something that has been long, long, long overdue.

Today I am…  Angry!

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