Mountian… Meet Mole Hill!

I am petrified, scared, so scared.  This training I am in, has got me so scared to move forward.  I know I am making a mountian out of a mole hill, but I have always been scared to move forward in one way or the other.  I am three weeks into this and I so want to run, and hide, I absolutely want to quit!  I feel, it is because the thought of talking to people over the phone and not wanting to fail is giving me anxiety.  Tomorrow, we do live hot seats, and it terrifies me, I have avoided doing them, but there is no escape for tomorrow, tomorrow, I will have to take live calls.  Sure the teacher will be right there, but it still terrifies me like no other.  Tomorrow is payday, and all day long I have been thinking of ways to quit this, just not even come back, but I feel so guilty, that I have talked myself out of it.  for one I don’t want to disappoint my mom, she is so proud of me, then I don’t want to disappoint my trainer, he has spent time and effort, plus the recruiters that I interviewed with, thought well enough of me, and I impressed them, that they offered me on the spot to be able to go through this training.  Of course myself, I don’t want to disappoint myself, I just want to do well, and get past this anxiety, and be able to prove to myself that I do have what it takes to do this, to move forward, and to make something more of myself.  I am terrified.  I want to crawl in a corner, ball up and cry, but I have to keep it together, I have to push myself forward.  I can’t quit.  I have to keep going.  So I am going to stick this out; until the end, and if I make it, I make it, and if I don’t well, back to putting in applications.  I am so scared, so very scared.

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