Another emotional day, yesterday the process of clearing, cleaning, and gathering moms stuff up began, this is a huge task, one that is going to take more then just a day. I started early, by getting the knick knacks from the shelves in the living room, there are ones we will be keeping, and ones that will be given to good will or to donation stations, and then ones that me and my sister will keep for ourselves. The ones that are kept in the apartment are for dad, just to keep the memories, and so that things are not changed to much too quickly for him, or us. Then my sister came over, and we started going through her closet. Dividing up clothing to bags that we are giving away, keeping things that fit us, that we liked, and throwing out things that was not going to be given away. There were lots of papers that we had to go through, that were old, and of no importance, those get shredded, all the important things get bagged up and stored. This will continue into the new year. But once it is done, it will be done. We are almost done with everything, it is just taking a bit to get those death certificates, but this week, if not then the new year, and we can get mom cremated and things can be done. So that we can properly start the healing process.
We will be attending church on Sunday, the new year, going to make this new year count, and that means getting right with The Lord. Life is tough, but we come from tough stock, and we will be alright. We will be alright. This year has seen it’s quota of death, now with the death of Carrie Fisher, and her mom, Debbie Reynolds, 2016 has not been a great year. I pray that 2017 holds nothing but greatness.
Christmas Eve, your not here. The ache is real. Longing for your smile, to hear your voice. I call your phone, just to hear anything, I play your video clips from when we would go feed the ducks in Marble Falls. I miss you mom,I miss you. Happy Christmas Eve.
The pain is real, I miss her so much, sometimes I just sit with a blank stare, thinking past everything, I wish that she was here. I still Need her. It just does not feel like Christmas this year, I was thinking, that we did not even get a chance to take photos, around a tree that was not even put up this year, because she was in the hospital, God, I miss her…
In Loving Memory… May you Rest In Peace, my beautiful Mom.
11-14-1950 – 12-18-2016
Last night was a truly rough night. me and dad went to see mom after I got out of work. Seeing her hooked up is heartbreaking as is, I talked to her, she nooded in some, I held her hand as did dad. I showed her pictures of her cat, she nodded, as we went on, nurses came in to give her breathing treatments and to check her lungs and heart. her lungs are still corse, with yuckyness. she is still on antibiotics to clear the infections. it was when we were getting ready to leave, she was gripping my hand tightly, and there were tears in the corners of her eyes. She was mouthing someting, but I could not understand, but knew she did not want us to leave, it broke my heart. I had to leave, dad had to leave. even telling her we would be back today did not help, she kept reaching out to take my hand to come back. This has been so hard, my heart hurts. I know she will get better, it is going to take tinr for that, I believe The Lord has her in His hedge of protection, and she is already getting stronger, and He is renewing her body.
Today, I am bringing my bible to read some scriptures to her, when we go back tonight. This has been like a terrible dream, but it is not a dream, it is real. my mom is in a fight for her life, one that she will need to reach deep down and find the strength to live and fight it. I have the faith she will come through this, she just needs to bring hers.
Well that is all for now, until my next corner, stay blessed.
Exhausted , taken aback from the sight of mom laying there all plugged into machines and tubed up. tried not to cry, did not work. I just want her well and home. It is so strange, her not being here. It hurts, but she is still in the land of the living, just in a place, hard to get to. spent a good two hours with her, had some family down yesterday, moms sister and brother, so hard seeing her this was. But she is strong, as strong as those veins of hers, she will make it. I have now become the keeper of handling things along with her husband. when he cant because of work, I take over. It is all new, Trying to keep things in order, what needs to be paid, and when. I have to also keep up with my things being paid as well, this is part of being an adult, handling these things that happen. So much yo do, it is hard to keep days straight. work,hospital , home… rinse and repeat,rinse and repeat . The nurse said it will take time. she is not ready to be without rhe ventilator. But when she is, we will be there for her.
So its been 3 days since mom was put on life support, this morning my dad says she has opened her eyes, this is progress I think, the nurse still has her stable, she was critical but stable yesterday, I think it is the same today, stable is something positive at least. Her heart rate did go up, but think they got it back down, just all this waiting makes me anxious. But it is what it is, and until something more happens, that is where it is going to be. So will update later if something more happens.
What I see…
Looking out the waiting room window, today is a cold,wet,gray kind of day. It is Sunday, and me and dad are at the hospital visiting mom. She is in a state, upset about things, no details, but very upset. I hate seeing her this way, I pray this does not last the whole day. I really do not like hospitals, but here I am, rveryday with pop in tow, coming to see my mom. I love this woman, and want her to get better, and stronger. Emotionally I do not know where I an at, I suppose all over the place, just trying to hold it together. I will get there, I will get there.
Another evening here at the hospital. Today was my day off from work, so spent it taking care of business,before heading up to the hospital. As I quietly sit and type this out; what comes to mind is how are we, meaning I coping with all this. I figured some day I would have to assist my parents, or care for them. I guess I never thought it would be this soon. But it is something that I have to go through and learn, because at this point, my family and I will be caring for her, in this capacity. At times, I mean mostly I feel very overwhelmed. Like I can’t… I know I can, and will.
Life has so many facets. I don’t know anyone who is prepared for this, there are so many things that need to be done as well. Things we do not want to discuss, but have to follow up on them. Very important. Life is so very precious, love hard and forgive quickly.
Just another night here at the hospital.
Another worth while day with mom. I get to spend more time on Sundays,because I have that day off. Anyway, life is chugging along, they have spaced out her medication, the pain is not like it was in the begining. Still not walking or able to stand; but in time and with much physical therapy this will be possible.
All this is what is called adversity, we all eventually go through something of it. How we deal and handle it is the other thing. I was watching Dr. Stanleys program on adversity, what he said is so very true… God does not give you more than you can handle. He knows what you can and can not, and at which times as well. I know that if these things had come up at another time in my life, it may have been too much, but God knew, I know I am so much stronger for it. To God I give all the Glory and Praise!
Well, getting my time in with mom. that is all that is going on in My Corner. Enjoy your day.