One thing that was certain about my mom… she loved to fish! Put her on any pond or by any lake, and she would have a smile on her face. I did love that. This photo was taken in San Angelo, we just decided to go back and do some fishing that day. I will definitely miss theses times, but here’s to memories. Much love mom.
Today I am… In A Battle! With all that is inside of me, the inner demons that try to control my emotional state of being, this is a hard battle, one that I will be victorious over, one that I will fight until I can overcome. I know that sometimes, probably more than not, that I do not make a whole lot of sense with things, but my battle will be won, I will not allow the devil to keep me prisoner of my emotional state. Everyday I pray for blessings, for Grace and to be renewed. To forgive and be forgiven of my sins, I know God hears and does so. God is so good in my life. I will be a victor, and not a victim.
Today I am… In A Battle.
Today I am… Angry! I am angry at you, angry at me, just angry. When I think back, it makes me angry. I am angry at myself for still having my foot wedged in that door that should have been closed when everything went the way it did, but I wanted that pain, and I got it over and over, and over again, now I am just angry with myself. Who am I fooling. No one really, no one except myself thinking that some how, some thing might change. Sure I know it can never go back the way it was. Looking back, I would not want that, because it was a lie, it was miserable, there may have been some good times, intimate times, but really it wasn’t true times, because we had no clue. I don’t want to be angry with you or with me, I want to have the peace that I need in my life. I pray for forgiveness in all that has happened, I may never see or speak to you again, but pray that one day I will. The truth is, I am glad that I have not seen you, because inside I am not ready to look you in the face, just the mere thought of you racks me with anger and desire still, and until that is completely gone it is best we never see face to face. This is the time, the time for me to work on me, something that has been long, long, long overdue.
Today I am… Angry!
Of un-forgivness. I struggle day-to-day with that, praying to God that it doesn’t take root in my soul. It is a hard thing to deal with, but I am dealing and asking every day to have forgiveness in my heart. God sees and knows my heart and soul, and he sends words of hope my way. As I have always said, God talks to my spirit and soul in many ways, he brings forth people into my path and speaks to me. One way that he has been speaking to me is pretty much through the truth bowl, I found them on WordPress last year I believe, and I am subscribed to their email list. I get daily emails, and what they talk about is pretty much on point with the things I am dealing with. I love receiving the emails, and it calms my soul, to know so many are dealing with issues of the heart, mind and soul, and I am right in line with that as well. It can feel crazy when you feel that no one understands what you are going through, even though you know that there are millions that are. Here is one of the posts.
If you are interested in joining their email list, I do believe it is on the link as well.
Anyway, as I have stated, I do not want the root of bitterness and unforgiveness and all the rest that comes with that to take hold, I’ve been there before and it can literally twist your insides. A place I do not wish to reside in. Everyday I ask The Lord for Grace and to install in my heart and soul the spirit of forgiveness. God talks to me in many ways, and this is one of those ways.