A photo from my phone, that I had taken a couple years back. My dad and half sister, we share the same dad, but different mothers, came down from Cali for my birthday. Mom on the right, it was a good day, I miss you mom, its getting to be that time of the year.
This was my mom as a kid, I can see the resemblance in all three of us, my sister and brother. She was an only child by her mother. Strong willed, and so very independent. And so very missed. My mom was a giver, she was nice and caring; but she was also a Scorpio, and if you got on her bad side, you better watch out! There are a lot of personality traits I got from her, some not so good, but most very good. I am so blessed to have had her for 43 of my years. Mom I love you.
My asthma and allergies flared up bad this morning, I was to work today, but decided to call out and head down to the walk in clinic. Where I got some medication for my flare up, they put me on some prednisone, to reduce the inflammation, and I am still able to take OTC mucinex and also do my breathing treatment as well. I have a note that puts me off work for two days, but only going to take today off. I will be back at work in the am. It has been a pretty hard day. I really do not think I could have made it at work today anyway, I am so achy, from all the coughing, I just want it all to stop.
Yesterday made it a solid month since mom has been gone, we made it, teary eyed, and full of memories, but we made it. I made it. I go to church every Sunday with my family, Trying to get back to God, trying to get closer to Him, and His Word. It will take time, but I am committed to doing this.
Another day, another way. Keeping it moving forward.
Yesterday was touch and go with mom. Hospital called, then the Dr called with updates, they had moved her to the ICU and put her on a bi pap machine to stabilize her breathing. She was in critical status, they wanted the family to know, they also wanted to know if it should come down to it, would she want to be put on a ventilator, we said yes. It is hard to make those kinds of decisions, there are also more decisions to be made as well, but we have to sit down as a little family and start the conversations.
in all, she is stable now, we are keeping in touch with the nurses and doctors, she was alert last night, but they sedated her, so that she could get some rest, they wanted her breathing to come down; to where she was not breathing like she was in a race, I think that happened last night, this morning her vitals are holding good, and she is still resting. They had to change her antibiotics because she has a fungal infection in her lungs because of the pneumonia. Keep those prayers up for my mom. I am trying to keep positive, and my Faith strong. It is up to her fighting this, and God holding her in His Loving arms and docs doing what they do.
Nothing more to say in my corner, so until the next time.
Looking out the waiting room window, today is a cold,wet,gray kind of day. It is Sunday, and me and dad are at the hospital visiting mom. She is in a state, upset about things, no details, but very upset. I hate seeing her this way, I pray this does not last the whole day. I really do not like hospitals, but here I am, rveryday with pop in tow, coming to see my mom. I love this woman, and want her to get better, and stronger. Emotionally I do not know where I an at, I suppose all over the place, just trying to hold it together. I will get there, I will get there.
Another evening here at the hospital. Today was my day off from work, so spent it taking care of business,before heading up to the hospital. As I quietly sit and type this out; what comes to mind is how are we, meaning I coping with all this. I figured some day I would have to assist my parents, or care for them. I guess I never thought it would be this soon. But it is something that I have to go through and learn, because at this point, my family and I will be caring for her, in this capacity. At times, I mean mostly I feel very overwhelmed. Like I can’t… I know I can, and will.
Life has so many facets. I don’t know anyone who is prepared for this, there are so many things that need to be done as well. Things we do not want to discuss, but have to follow up on them. Very important. Life is so very precious, love hard and forgive quickly.
Just another night here at the hospital.
Another worth while day with mom. I get to spend more time on Sundays,because I have that day off. Anyway, life is chugging along, they have spaced out her medication, the pain is not like it was in the begining. Still not walking or able to stand; but in time and with much physical therapy this will be possible.
All this is what is called adversity, we all eventually go through something of it. How we deal and handle it is the other thing. I was watching Dr. Stanleys program on adversity, what he said is so very true… God does not give you more than you can handle. He knows what you can and can not, and at which times as well. I know that if these things had come up at another time in my life, it may have been too much, but God knew, I know I am so much stronger for it. To God I give all the Glory and Praise!
Well, getting my time in with mom. that is all that is going on in My Corner. Enjoy your day.
It feels like the worse pain, mom being in the hospital this way. At the moment she is suffering from what is called Chemo Brain.
Post-chemotherapy cognitive impairment
Today is Thanksgiving 2016, this is the first holiday spent at the hospital. I feel so lost, sitting here in the waiting room, because sitting there in moms room is a lot to take. Trying to keep strong and not cry, but who am I fooling; certainly not these tears. Not myself or even mom. Here I am though,trying one min at a time. Looking out over the top of the buildings, nothing but pale blue skies. A beautiful Saturday, that should be spent enjoying great things with mom, instead here at this place,yeah what memories this will make.
I am not the only one, there are millions of families going through the same things or worse, but when it happens to your family it feels like your the only one. I know that This family has the love of God, of family and friends, and even people who have just met you. I write to alleviate the pain of this, it is my outlet, at least with this I can cry and not have to explain why. It is difficult to talk and keep from tearing up. Even though I know I have friends that will be there just to listen, no explinations of any kind needed. I find a kind of solice in writing,something I need to do more of, get back to. I am scared, I need to get back into the Word, that is what is going to keep me balanced in this time.
This has been a year of ups and downs, I pray the 2017 year holds nothing but blessings and greatness. Just writing this, has calmed my soul. looking out over these buildings, peaceful and calm. seeing the colors of the trees changing as with this weather. Hold the the ones you love close and tell them you love them. We never know how things will change. Be thankful for all you have and whom you have. So, now the tears have dried up;and I can see clearly. Time to get my strength and conquer this fear, to move forward and keep on keeping on, because mom needs to know and feel that we as a family has her, and is onboard with her well being. That means I need to step up. To grow beyond what I am, I know I can.
This has been My Corner… Until the next time. Happy Thanksgiving .