Category: Mental Health

Starting over again

So I have been exercising the past five days.  I have been in a downward spiral for a very long time emotionally and physically, so I have begun the process of climbing out of my pit.  I have not liked what I have been seeing in myself, and I know if I continue the way I am going, nothing good will come of it.

So I begin again, may this beginning bring prosperous change inside and out.

Destination unknown

Here on this rainy Sunday, which happens to also be Father’s Day!  Happy Father’s Day to all the father’s online and off.

Riding on the bus to I don’t know wherevilles.  All I did know, was I had to get out.  Still not sure to where.  I have my camera just in case.  It rains on and off.  Just one of those kinds of days you want out of house or in my case apt.  Anyhoo enjoy your day.

Is it asking too much…

To have a peaceful, quiet mental health day.  I suppose it just may be.  I am finally safe at home.  So the mental health day has been pretty mental, first off, I get out to go pick up my movie I had ordered, only to find they had ordered me the wrong one, so they look and tell me that since it is such an older one, that it can only be home shipped, but to get that, I have to pre-pay first.  I decide not to pre-pay today, and will just order it to be delivered to my apartment through the web site, so that I won’t have to think about that, something I should have really thought about before hand, but hey I know now don’t I.

Second off, head away with nothing to show for it, so hop back on the bus, heading to the park in ride, get there, decide to get some stuff at the target, then wait for the bus to get home, on the bus, stop at the light where the HEB is along the way, smell something smoking, don’t pay a lot of attention, but guy from outside bangs on the bus door, saying there is a fire in the back of the bus underneath, bus driver gets out, walking like no care in the world, then get back to the bus and tells us to get off, well there are several people by now yelling and screaming that the bus is on fire, so we get off and get back away, indeed underneath the bus it was firing up, suppose the driver called the fire dep, then stood there, like what was she suppose to do, now crazy me to think, that she should have probably pulled the fire extinguisher from the bus, but she did not.  Fire department got there, it was already out, some guy in a trash truck, got his extinguisher out and put it out.  Yeah Thank you Mental Day Off!

Me and a couple of other rider’s decided to just walk the way back to the apartments, since I didn’t live far down from it, so yeah It was hot out, and I got lots of sweaty, but I am glad to be home and believe me, I am not going out anymore for the rest of this day, indeed I really do need a mental health break now.  So with that being said, I am going to hit up Netflix, and watch the other episodes of Being Mary Jane, hope your mental health is at a good state.

Beyond 365

Day 272:

Today I am…  Taking that mental health break.  Yes, today is the day, I have called out of work, and with that, I will have actual 3 days off, since I had yesterday off, and I am taking today off, and I will have tomorrow off, I need a break.  Today the sun is shining, but who knows, the clouds might just roll on in, I will be watching.  I do really need a little break, it’s about to get really busy at work, so I need to be on my toes, and ready to take it on, head on strong.

Just saw the rents off down the road, back to home.  Hope they don’t run into any bad weather on this Monday, morning road.  Well before my mental health break kicks off today, I have to get over to the barnes and nobels, to pick up a movie I had ordered.  So here’s to mental health breaks, everyone should take them at some point in the working days.  And here’s to the start of another week, enjoy, enjoy, enjoy.

Today I am…  Taking that mental health break.

Beyond 365

Day 269:

Today I am…  Not going to take a break.  I was wide awake at 1 am, couldn’t get back to sleep, tried closing my eyes, but they would just pop back open.  I figured that I would just call out of work and take a mental break for the day, well after I checked out my account, I decided I needed to really get to work today.  That mental health break is just going to have to wait for a bit.  At the moment, I really can not afford to take a break from work, not a paying one anyway, so I will just have to wait till my day off to get some rest.  Hopefully this coffee that I am downing this morning will sustain me and get me moving.  Well my friends and reader’s here’s to the start of yet another weekend.  Enjoy.

Today I am…  Not going to take a break.

Beyond 365

Day 227:

Today I am…  Back in San Angelo.  Only for the night though, my mom had to take care of some business, so I decided to come back with her, we will be leaving here back to Austin in the morning, my dad will be coming back with us as well, and then they will leave out Sunday before noon.  It has been nice spending time with mom again.  I know she was here just a couple of weeks ago, but it’s all good in my book.  Today we were going to go see Hercules at the movie, but instead made a trip back to San Angelo.  Hercules will still be in the movies.

In spending time with my mom and also with my friend that came down, there are things that have been on my mind.  Some things that my friend had told me, which is so true, about moving forward in my life, everything she has said is so true, and I will try to keep it all in mind and keep on moving forward.  Also my mom, has said so many things about things, and moving forward, and I know she is so right, so, so right.  So here goes to moving forward, it has been so hard, but it has been my own fault, I have just been holding on to something that has been gone for  long while.  Guess it just takes, more for me to finally get it.  I think I have finally gotten it, and it has been hard, but I have just made it hard on myself, no one but me.  There are no more tears here, I believe those dried up three months or so ago, anyway, for my friend I have taken your advice, now I am still not going to open up that dating site, but I will take your advice though and loosen up and start living.  Thank you for all that you have been to me woman.

Well my friends, and reader’s time to relax and watch some of this television.  Enjoy your weekend y’all.

Today I am…  Back in San Angelo.

Beyond 365

Day 126:

Today I am…  Out of it.  I feel not so good today emotionally, a little set back on my emotional road trip to well-being I suppose.  Just one of the things I hate about crying is that my eyes get all red and puffy, and I get a headache afterwards.  I took care of the puffiness and the headache is gone, but the emotional stuff is still lingering.  I know, I know, that sometimes you have to cry it out, and I did once again last night.  I will be so glad when the tears over all this stop and it is nothing more than a past memory. Life continues to move on, even if my emotions don’t right now, but I know eventually it will pass.  Enough of this, duty calls this Monday morning, and work has to be done.

Today I am…  Out of it.

Beyond 365

Day 110:

Today I am…  Being Truthful.  To myself, I am not ready to get back out into that dating world, I see couples all around me, and long, even ache for it.  But the truth is…  I am not ready for it, not  at all.  It’s been a year since the break-up, and I am still grieving it, and getting through it.  In my own time, it doesn’t  hurt the way it did, but it is not gone either.  I still have my major days with it all.  So I am not trying to re-bound and jump into something that I know isn’t going to be good for either me or the other party.  Not to say I don’t see hot looking to cute guys at work, but that’s just a bit of eye candy.  Until I am mentally stable for another relationship, I will continue to work on myself inside and out.

Today I am…  Being Truthful.

Beyond 365

Day 55:

Today I am…   Praising His name.

Yes, Yes, oh my Yes.  This morning I woke feeling down.  My feet were aching, I just wanted to stay in bed, it’s rainy and cold outside, I am feeling lonely, you know all of the above of life.  But I got up, and started to praise His Holy Name.  Praise is what gives me strength, I put on praise and worship music and this fog is disappearing from my mind and my body.  Praise God!  I know not everyday is going to be awesome and bright, and there will be trials and trouble, but I know that His Word is strong, and gives me strength.  I can absolutely rely on Him to bring me through.

It can be hard at times, I keep in mind when those times happen, that He is my saviour and my Rock.  No one can fulfill what he has planned for me.  It is for me to stay the course.

Today I am…  Praising His name.

Beyond 365

Day 8:

Today I am…  Taking stock.  What could have been, what could we have made of ourselves together, yes, I still think of so many scenarios, but what good is it, what good does it do for me, but make me miss that part of you and I so much more.  That part of you and I that made me smile, and laugh, those inside things only you and I knew.  I still shed tears of what might have been, but that does nothing but take away what new and amazing things that should be stretching me to grow to who I need and am supposed to be.  There are days these would have’s are far removed, and then there are those days like today that bring me to tears.  Yes, I feel stupid sometimes for these tears of what.  My heart still races when I think too hard on what could have been,  when I see your name, or when I think I have seen you in passing.  Oh how the mind likes to play such wicked games.

There are those parts of me that have not completely stopped struggling against what is, to let it all die and move forward, and until that happens, I will not be able to fully grow.  The hard part for me are the steps forward, but I do, I take one step in front of the other, the reality is I am going to have set backs, I know they are part of the process.  Just keep moving forward.  Learning the lessons needed to learn along the way.  Knowing that I have learned more than before, and more to come.  Everything happens for some kind of reason, people are sent into our lives for different purposes, I believe you were sent into mine to get me to step outside of my box, to move forward, I was sent into yours possibly for the same purpose.  Will we truly ever know, I don’t know.  Life like seasons change before your eyes, and what meant for a specific purpose is over, something new happens, change happens, life continues to go on.

I don’t know if this all makes sense or not, it is what is transpiring inside of me at this moment.  This time to move forward, to keep on moving forward, stumbling along the way to a better and more purposeful me.

Today I am…  Taking stock.