Category: Words

Praise Him!

Church was stellar today, life class equally refreshing.  Just listing to praise and worship songs on pandora, makes me cry, these songs are the songs we both loved,and sang in church, and with one anither, they fill my heart.  I know she woul be happy right now knowing I am in church, that we all are in church.  Getting closer to God, His Word.  Today I am starting Proverbs in the Bible, I will read a passage each day.  God has done so much for my soul and spirit, in these times.  It is I who must draw closer to him.

I totally admire my friend Olivia, who went to Honduras, mission work.  God is totally blessing this woman, she is truly the church in this world.  I have been thinking of volunteering in the church bookstore.  To be continued…

I know there are some major areas in my life that need cleaning up, I pray to God everyday to guide my steps, to give me discernment, and give me wisdom to see the truth of things, to send the ones that are supposed to be in my life, and the ones that are not to remove the ones that do not belong.  

Did God remove mom from my life, because of a journey I need to be on, without her, I do wonder, but there are roads we have to walk.  We will never be alone, because He is with us.  Gods reasons are not our reasons.  A time,and season for all. It has been 4 Sundays since she passed.  I cried today.  It will get better, this I know in my soul.

I love you mom.

My Corner…

Today is Thanksgiving 2016, this is the first holiday spent at the hospital.  I feel so lost, sitting here in the waiting room, because sitting there in moms room is a lot to take.  Trying to keep strong and not cry, but who am I fooling; certainly not these tears.  Not myself or even mom.  Here I am though,trying one min at a time.  Looking out over the top of the buildings, nothing but pale blue skies.  A beautiful Saturday, that should be spent enjoying great things with mom, instead here at this place,yeah what memories this will make.

I am not the only one, there are millions of families going through the same things or worse, but when it happens to your family it feels like your the only one.  I know that This family has the love of God, of family and friends, and even people who have just met you.  I write to alleviate the pain of this, it is my outlet, at least with this I can cry and not have to explain why.  It is difficult to talk and keep from tearing up.  Even though I know I have friends that will be there just to listen, no explinations of any kind needed.  I find a kind of solice in writing,something I need to do more of, get back to.  I am scared, I need to get back into the Word, that is what is going to keep me balanced in this time.   

This has been a year of ups and downs, I pray the 2017 year holds nothing but blessings and greatness.  Just writing this, has calmed my soul.  looking out over these buildings, peaceful and calm.  seeing the colors of the trees changing as with this weather.  Hold the the ones you love close and tell them you love them.  We never know how things will change.  Be thankful for all you have and whom you have.  So, now the tears have dried up;and I can see clearly.  Time to get my strength and conquer this fear, to move forward and keep on keeping on, because mom needs to know and feel that we as a family has her, and is onboard with her well being.  That means I need to step up.  To grow beyond what I am, I know I can. 

This has been My Corner…  Until the next time.  Happy Thanksgiving . 

Beyond 365

Day 284:

Today I am…  Lost in thought.  My mind is tangled, thoughts racing, wandering through the maze inside, blue like the ocean, lost in eyes so blank, as the words stumble to appear on the pages inside.  Tears so hot, they scorch the warmth of skin, my heart beating so loud, that I cannot hear the thoughts in my head.   Lips so perfect, that the kiss tasted of sweet poetry, dipped in sugar flakes.

Life such an adventure, of pain and joy, of sadness and laughter, of giving and receiving.  So close, but millions of miles away.

Today I am…  Lost in thought.

Beyond 365

Day 227:

Today I am…  Back in San Angelo.  Only for the night though, my mom had to take care of some business, so I decided to come back with her, we will be leaving here back to Austin in the morning, my dad will be coming back with us as well, and then they will leave out Sunday before noon.  It has been nice spending time with mom again.  I know she was here just a couple of weeks ago, but it’s all good in my book.  Today we were going to go see Hercules at the movie, but instead made a trip back to San Angelo.  Hercules will still be in the movies.

In spending time with my mom and also with my friend that came down, there are things that have been on my mind.  Some things that my friend had told me, which is so true, about moving forward in my life, everything she has said is so true, and I will try to keep it all in mind and keep on moving forward.  Also my mom, has said so many things about things, and moving forward, and I know she is so right, so, so right.  So here goes to moving forward, it has been so hard, but it has been my own fault, I have just been holding on to something that has been gone for  long while.  Guess it just takes, more for me to finally get it.  I think I have finally gotten it, and it has been hard, but I have just made it hard on myself, no one but me.  There are no more tears here, I believe those dried up three months or so ago, anyway, for my friend I have taken your advice, now I am still not going to open up that dating site, but I will take your advice though and loosen up and start living.  Thank you for all that you have been to me woman.

Well my friends, and reader’s time to relax and watch some of this television.  Enjoy your weekend y’all.

Today I am…  Back in San Angelo.

Beyond 365

Day 220:

Today I am…  A Work In Progress.  I am still feeling out myself, figuring out, listening, longing to do and be a better person than I was yesterday, a work in progress.  Learning more about myself.  Being alone with myself, getting to really like myself.  Always a work in progress.  Slow and determined to find that place, that place that ignites my soul, that burns bright with desire, the spark that takes me places I have always dreamed.  Yes, yes, yes.

Today I am…  A Work In Progress.

Beyond 365

Day 179:

Today I am…  Healed by His Stripes.  Yes, the circumstances may look the way they do, the situation may be the way it is, but By His Stripes I am Healed.  Oh heavenly Father, you are my rock, my shield, and protector, you are my strength, and my light, thank you for working your good works in me and through me, thank you for giving me all that I have.  Yes, I call wellness into my body, into my spirit, into my soul, thank you Father.

Today I am…  Healed by His Stripes.

Beyond 365

Day 159:

Today I am…  A bit more wiser.  After being with my mom this weekend, I have gained a bit more wisdom, about life, love, family, friends.  New things, old things, and in-between things.  When my mom comes down here to Austin to see me, she is coming down to enjoy a peaceful time, time away from her busy retired life in San Angelo.  I always try to make this her place of rest.  She enjoys it so much.  Now that used to not be the case, that was when I still lived with her, we would clash and words of anger would be exchanged.  It was time for me to finally leave that nest, and strike out on my own, and now we are much more in a happier place with one another, and that right there makes me smile, and fill my heart with joy.

She need not worry too much about me, but as a mother I know she will.  But she has taught me well, I know how to pay my bills, to get myself to and from work, how to be very careful with my surroundings here in the big city.  I just need to tighten up on the other things.  Like meeting new potential dating situations, See I have a pattern in the guys I like, it has not been a good pattern, so I need to break out of this pattern, and try something different.  In time, in time though, today I am still working on myself.

So this morning I saw my mom off.  She is on the road back home, of course next month she has a couple of trips planned for here, it shall be fun, fun, fun.  I am about to go relax with a nice hot bath, and flip on the Netflix, and enjoy the rest of my day off.  Here’s to the end of a great weekend my friends, and reader’s.

Today I am…  A bit more wiser.