Fifty-Two Weeks of My Healing…

Week 22:

In her element!  Mom taught us a love for fishing, well a strong like anyway.  Fishing was fun, just go out and sit snd throw your line out there.  We have had many fun time doing just that, as well as shooting the shit.  Long talks, special times, fun times.  Made at a fishing hole.  This was Lake Marble Falls, in marble falls texas.  Sweet, sweet memories.  I love you mom.

Fifty-Two Weeks of My Healing…

Week 20:

Just another trip of many to the Capitol, she loved the Capitol, as did I.  We have pretty much the same styles of what we like and this was one of them.  That day we ate at the Capitil Grille that is at the capitol.  The food was good, we spent time walking down congress street and just enjoying the beautiful, sun filled day.  Me and mom.  I love you mom, I will miss those times spent, but will never regret them.

Sunflower in the light…

Oh lovely sunflower in the light, beautiful yellow, dazzling bright. Your petals full of love and grace, as I run my lonely race.  Light the path, full and bright, sun shine on your smiling face. Standing tall, through it all.  Never sad, or tears to fall, always a smile, when morning draws.  Oh lovly sunflower in the light, I promise to never give up the fight.


Just something I wrote thinking of mom this day.  She loved sunflowers ,as do I.  So beautiful and bright.  Wishing her a happy mother’s Day.  Always in my heart.  I love you mom😚

28 years…

That I have called the man who was my moms husband a dad to me.  Until today.  Today, the man who I had much respect for all but became dead to me. As quickly as mom died, things started to turn with him and us as a family.  

2 months after her death, this man started seeing another women, first she was just a friend, a week later he was spending the night at her apartment.  Not even three months, he said they were thinking about moving in together.  But he assured me, my sister, and nephew that we were still his family, and that he would be there for us, that if we needed antyhing, just ask, that is what family is about.

Which was a straight out lie,  he was changing, soon he would spend weeks at her apartment, she never came up to the apartment to meet us.  We finally met her one time, her and her daughter came over, said hi and tbat was it.  Never engaged us in a conversation or anything.  Hell we do not even know her last name.  

Today when I called him,  he all but said, he did not want us calling him on the phone because it is upsetting her, since he is in a new relationship.  Not even five months and this woman is screaming they are going to be married, and that she will be answering his phone when we call and listening to the conversation.  She told me, that everytime I call, I am upsetting him, and I am always calling , wanting money or for him to pay a bill.  That he has taken care of me long enough.  That he was already in a hole, that she was helping him, not us.  I asked him, is that how he felt, he said, yes, that he is in a new relationship now.  Even though he said we could count on him, now it is clear we can not.  He made that clear today.  

Funny though, those bills that i want him to pay, are his own bills.  None of mine, and that hole he is in, is of his own doing.  His and hers in fact.   Either way, I am done with this bullshit.  It makes me angry, and sad.  Nothing I can do, but move on.  This man, that I have called dad for 28 years; is all but dead to me.  I will pray to God to help me, to help me forgive this man.  To help me clense my soul of this anger and hurt.