Tag: words

28 years…

That I have called the man who was my moms husband a dad to me.  Until today.  Today, the man who I had much respect for all but became dead to me. As quickly as mom died, things started to turn with him and us as a family.  

2 months after her death, this man started seeing another women, first she was just a friend, a week later he was spending the night at her apartment.  Not even three months, he said they were thinking about moving in together.  But he assured me, my sister, and nephew that we were still his family, and that he would be there for us, that if we needed antyhing, just ask, that is what family is about.

Which was a straight out lie,  he was changing, soon he would spend weeks at her apartment, she never came up to the apartment to meet us.  We finally met her one time, her and her daughter came over, said hi and tbat was it.  Never engaged us in a conversation or anything.  Hell we do not even know her last name.  

Today when I called him,  he all but said, he did not want us calling him on the phone because it is upsetting her, since he is in a new relationship.  Not even five months and this woman is screaming they are going to be married, and that she will be answering his phone when we call and listening to the conversation.  She told me, that everytime I call, I am upsetting him, and I am always calling , wanting money or for him to pay a bill.  That he has taken care of me long enough.  That he was already in a hole, that she was helping him, not us.  I asked him, is that how he felt, he said, yes, that he is in a new relationship now.  Even though he said we could count on him, now it is clear we can not.  He made that clear today.  

Funny though, those bills that i want him to pay, are his own bills.  None of mine, and that hole he is in, is of his own doing.  His and hers in fact.   Either way, I am done with this bullshit.  It makes me angry, and sad.  Nothing I can do, but move on.  This man, that I have called dad for 28 years; is all but dead to me.  I will pray to God to help me, to help me forgive this man.  To help me clense my soul of this anger and hurt.


Beyond 365

Day 336:

Today I am…  Hurt.  Truthfully, not just today, but for many years.  Hurt by words spoken.  Sometimes we forget, or fail to see that words are so powerful, and if spoken wrong, or in a certain manner, take years to be undone.  Myself, I know I have said some things to people, that I wish I could have taken back, but you can not.  Been on both ends.  It truly hurts.  Be mindful of the words you speak.

Today I am…  Hurt.

Beyond 365

Day 11:

Today I am…  Choosing.  I am choosing to get myself back on track, I am choosing to start exercising and eating less junk, I am choosing to start over again, to put in the hard, very hard work.  I have failed many times, starting and stopping, starting and getting off track, starting and giving in.  Once again I am starting, that is the hardest steps to take those first steps forward in anything you do, one step begets many and in turn you are on your way, well my friends and reader’s I am on my way once again.

Today I am…  Choosing.

Beyond 365

Day 10:

Today I am…  Writing.  I am words on paper, I am flowing like a river, full of angst, anger, rage, sadness, tears, regrets, sorrow, pain.  My heart aches, when I can not say the words I want your ears to hear, your heart to feel.  I am words in the air, the smell of roses, or sunflowers  with their bright, beautiful petals.  I am words on the water, taste the saltiness of my tears as they overflow the banks of your mind, feel the wetness of my tears on your cheeks, as you kiss my lips, as I disappear.  I am words that feel, that see, that hear, that love.

Today I am…  Writing.

Mother love

Today my mom and her friend come to town to visit me, yes I am happy to see my mother again, it has been a couple of weeks since she and her friend was here.  It is nice.  I am not quite sure what we will do today for entertainment.  I do know grocery shopping is on the agenda though.  Got to fill my fridge and pantry.  I pray for a very blessed visit, full of love and fun.  A short blog today , but I leave you with a Haiku…  yes I am trying my hand at some.  Hope you enjoy.


What the hell Damn crumbs

Hansel and Gretel you see

Pick that crap up now!